Although I'll have finished the series by the end of the week, it's highlighted to me how little reading I've done recently, and how much I miss it. I've never been good at holding more than one fictional world in my mind at the same time, so I find it hard to read novels while I'm also involved in writing fanfic in a different fandom. Moreover, writing takes up so much time. I've been a prolific fanfic writer in the SGA fandom, but that's been at the cost of many other things that I used to enjoy doing in my leisure time. Although I love writing very much and do it out of choice, I also, irrationally, have this sense that I ought to be doing it. If I have a free weekend, and fail to write loads of pages, I feel a sense of guilt and failure.
While on holiday, I went to a second-hand bookshop, and came out with two bags full of intriguing-looking books (non-fiction, mostly - history and popular science). I want to read them. I also want to read the lovely stash of books that I acquired after my last visit to a big second-hand bookshop - books that languish on my to-read shelf, since writing has left me with no time to read them. I just want a few weeks, or even months, when I can read without guilt. I want to play computer games without feeling guilty, and watch DVDs. I want to look at a weekend away with my Morris dancing group as a fun weekend away, without also thinking regretfully of it as a weekend in which I won't make any progress on my current story.
It is, of course, entirely possible that a story idea will hit me out of the blue tomorrow, loudly demanding to be written, and that this entire post will become a pack of lies, but for the moment, this is how I feel. I'm certainly not walking away from SGA fandom. I have to admit that my attachment to it has faded somewhat over the months since we stopped getting new episodes, but it's still there, and I don't have any other fandoms lined up. It's also true that I've been writing mostly AUs and OC-viewpoint stories for the last year, which is typical of me in the latter part of my attachment to a fandom. However, I do still have stories that I want to tell about the SGA characters. What I hope is that by taking a few weeks or months off from writing, I'll be able to return to it later in the summer, with my ideas refreshed and revitalised.